How to Have a Good Relationship with Your Adult Kids!

I really really enjoyed our homeschooling! My kids are such great adults and I figure that the homeschooling has to be part of the reason. They were 10 and 13 when we started so I didn't get to have them home the whole time, sadly, but the time we did have was really fun. My husband and I really know our kids. How many parents can say that? Heck, I even know some of my kids friends better than their parents do. How sad is that?

Having a great relationship with your kids is not just about homeschooling and time spent together. And, no, I am not going to talk about the "quality time" garbage that people like to spout off about. (If I see my child for three hours a day at least we spend an hour of "quality time" reading a book together.) TIME is important and time just being together is very important. BUT time is not the only answer. We must, as parents, be respectful towards our children. Sure, sure you may think that you are the adult and they need to respect YOU! Ha! It does not work that way! First of all, you must earn their respect just as you would with another adult. Secondly, you must show them respect as well! So many parents miss this and end up ruining what could have been a perfectly good relationship. Sometimes parents mistake fear for respect. That is a whole different story! If your child fears you watch how fast he moves away as an adult and never looks back!

Your daughter is 12 and wants you to watch some inane TV show about kids her age. Do you:
1. Watch it with her, complaining or looking at your watch?
2. Tell her you don't have time for something that stupid?
3. Watch it and talk about what you are seeing?

Obviously the answer is three. The other two answers are the same as telling her that what she likes is not important. Turn this around and instead of your daughter, this is you and your boss. You would like your boss to listen to a presentation you put together (or even a presentation you saw on the internet that would help your company) and she tells you "That's stupid" or complains about wasting the time while watching it. These scenarios are the SAME THING in the eyes of your child.

Another reason, using the example above, to watch what she is watching is to see exactly that! You should know what she is seeing on TV. I am not about censorship at all! BUT I do want to see what she is seeing so we can talk about it. I watched Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls with my daughter all the time. I even cried with her during the last episode (Jen died! sniff) of Dawson's Creek! I watched these shows (which were actually pretty good) so I could watch what she was watching! I knew what images and ideas were being tossed at her from the TV. We had some really good conversations about stuff like sex, AIDS, gays and drugs. All very valuable conversations that we would never have had if I didn't watch these shows with her. Also, she would have only the TV show's views on these subjects. This is also true of books she read and music she listened to! I was not intrusive, hell, I saw three NSync concerts with her! I cheered as much as she did! I also did not censor too much, although she apparantly saw "American Pie" without telling me. LOL So much for the little bit of censorship that I did try!

My kids even have blogs! Check out:
Life is a Bookshelf
How to fix America

Texting, A Sneaky Way to Stay in Touch

Continuing on the missing-my-kids topic, I have discovered a great way to talk to them without actually talking to them. Texting! Whoohoo! Now I can be a techno mom and still keep in touch without being TOO much of a pain in the ass.

We never had texting on our phones since it cost more and my hubby was not into it costing more. Besides, why on earth would you spend the time and effort to tap out the letters to a text when you can simply CALL the person on the phone? Really, it does seem dumb. However, my married daughter explained that she can text her hubby, who has a very simple teeny sound as text notification, while he is fixing the computer at a customer's place. No annoying RING, RING and he would have to quickly turn the volume off etc. The 'ole ball and chain checking up on him again. :) Now, she can text and he can answer very surreptitiously. Brilliant! Another way to keep the manly thing going AND for daughter to ask husband "when will you be home?"

Recently I have discovered that my kids do not seem to mind hearing from me if I text. Good thing I have a qwerty keyboard phone or I would go insane! So I am a texting fiend! "Morning! how are you?" "Don't forget to watch Glenn Beck. He's on in a half hour." "Are we still on for the gym?" Stuff like that. No pesky phone calls but still giving and receiving information.

Now Shhhh! Don't let them know this is only a trick for parents of grown children to check up on them and keep in touch. You know, sad, lonely parents who USED to be the center of their world but are now superfluous!

Rainy Days

Rainy days. Well here in Florida we have rain, on many days, but not usually rainy days. I enjoy my sunshine and feel blah when it's cloudy all day. This is the reason I live here! Today started out cloudy and then a little sunny but now rainy. Blech.

I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris which are currently being made into the True Blood series on HBO. Now we don't get HBO, since I am cheap, but my daughter does. They are recording them for us on their DVR but the problem is, we need to watch them at their house. If you have never seen True Blood then you would think, "no problem." uh huh, yeah. This is HBO and, well, one of the characters almost never has clothes on. There's tons of fairly graphic sex (say it isn't so. Rogue from the X-Men doing the dirty!) Now hubby and I are left with handing the "kids" (who are married adults) $40 and telling them to get lost while we watch the episodes they recorded! We are NOT watching them WITH them. Yuck. Just knowing THEY saw what WE saw on that show is creepy! But, it is a really good show. The books are great and the TV show is good as well. The show loses some of the humor of the books but, oh well. Nothing like a proper Southern girl falling in love with a Civil War era vampire and all the rollicking fun that goes along with.

This doesn't have much to do with homeschooling but, if your young teen wants to watch True Blood after reading one of the books, well, you'd better watch it first!

Adult Kids

I really enjoy my adult kids. Really. Mostly. Actually they are great! We've had such a wonderful time watching them grow up with all of the usual parental worries but now that they are adults, the worry is over, right? Not exactly. For some reason we still worry. My son is 21 and a senior at UCF majoring in economics. I love that he has a passion for something other than World of Warcraft! I still worry. What will he be able to DO with his degree? Will he find an employer who will pay for his Master's Degree? Will he find an employer at all? SHOULD he find an employer? Maybe he should write about economics for a living. Maybe he should start his own thing......

Why am I worrying? (other than the obvious reason, that I am a Mom!) We unschooled and I learned to trust that he was learning stuff so I need to learn to trust that he will DO something with his life to support himself. Sort of like umm, unworking? Should I coin that phrase? Go ahead Matt and Unwork! We need more of that around here. But, please be able to pay your bills and get some health insurance! :)