How to Have a Good Relationship with Your Adult Kids!

I really really enjoyed our homeschooling! My kids are such great adults and I figure that the homeschooling has to be part of the reason. They were 10 and 13 when we started so I didn't get to have them home the whole time, sadly, but the time we did have was really fun. My husband and I really know our kids. How many parents can say that? Heck, I even know some of my kids friends better than their parents do. How sad is that?

Having a great relationship with your kids is not just about homeschooling and time spent together. And, no, I am not going to talk about the "quality time" garbage that people like to spout off about. (If I see my child for three hours a day at least we spend an hour of "quality time" reading a book together.) TIME is important and time just being together is very important. BUT time is not the only answer. We must, as parents, be respectful towards our children. Sure, sure you may think that you are the adult and they need to respect YOU! Ha! It does not work that way! First of all, you must earn their respect just as you would with another adult. Secondly, you must show them respect as well! So many parents miss this and end up ruining what could have been a perfectly good relationship. Sometimes parents mistake fear for respect. That is a whole different story! If your child fears you watch how fast he moves away as an adult and never looks back!

Your daughter is 12 and wants you to watch some inane TV show about kids her age. Do you:
1. Watch it with her, complaining or looking at your watch?
2. Tell her you don't have time for something that stupid?
3. Watch it and talk about what you are seeing?

Obviously the answer is three. The other two answers are the same as telling her that what she likes is not important. Turn this around and instead of your daughter, this is you and your boss. You would like your boss to listen to a presentation you put together (or even a presentation you saw on the internet that would help your company) and she tells you "That's stupid" or complains about wasting the time while watching it. These scenarios are the SAME THING in the eyes of your child.

Another reason, using the example above, to watch what she is watching is to see exactly that! You should know what she is seeing on TV. I am not about censorship at all! BUT I do want to see what she is seeing so we can talk about it. I watched Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls with my daughter all the time. I even cried with her during the last episode (Jen died! sniff) of Dawson's Creek! I watched these shows (which were actually pretty good) so I could watch what she was watching! I knew what images and ideas were being tossed at her from the TV. We had some really good conversations about stuff like sex, AIDS, gays and drugs. All very valuable conversations that we would never have had if I didn't watch these shows with her. Also, she would have only the TV show's views on these subjects. This is also true of books she read and music she listened to! I was not intrusive, hell, I saw three NSync concerts with her! I cheered as much as she did! I also did not censor too much, although she apparantly saw "American Pie" without telling me. LOL So much for the little bit of censorship that I did try!

My kids even have blogs! Check out:
Life is a Bookshelf
How to fix America